It is one of the most remarkable assumptions about relationships that reside within any pair of sweetness lay the ingredients that may cause the sweetness to unravel. Why are we saddled with this patch of mystery wherein two lovebirds enchant observers with impressive expressions of love for each other only for the same pair to transit into the vilest of foes afterwards? How come something that looks so beautiful changes into sad shadows when two hearts no longer beat as one.
Whether the unraveling happens abruptly or whether it happens protractedly, interrogating the means by why a previously bubbly relationship unraveled remains an attractive pastime for many. “Whose fault is it that So and So are no longer an item is one question we may hear directly or extract when a different set of words are used to engage the issue. These gossipy conversations ride on the tendency within us to point the finger, pass the buck or look for someone to blame. Perhaps to draw attention away from matters that are pressing us with overwhelming inconvenience.
Yet no one who has ever kindled a romantic flame or observed as others throw in the important pieces to form the spectacle, will deny the sense of pain and loneliness that follows a divorce/separation or broken relationship. There is no denying the search for ways and means to cope as we learn to live with painful relational decisions from ourselves or others.
Disguising, masking, or denying the pain might serve some purpose but this is Christmas where many people wish for a true starry-end experience to the end of the year. How might the bearers of the pain from a divorce/separation or broken relationship celebrate this Christmas? By wishing upon the star of goodwill. And making room enough in the heart to shine some of its brightness upon the previous objects of undivided affection.
Goodwill is a great gift separated partners may employ in their celebration of Christmas. It is an important ingredient from the first Christmas and its power to catalyze the resolution of knotty issues has never been in doubt. It’s power to soothe is akin to the salve that dissolves the intensity of pain experienced from a toothache before the problematic tooth is taken away.
More specifically, the power of goodwill in providing clarity and helping to properly situate issues; separating facts from presumptions, etc, makes it a gift separate partners should endeavour to give each other at Christmas time. This is in addition to the fact that goodwill helps in moderating feelings of rage, bitterness and borderline hate.
Merry Christmas to everyone working through a divorce/separation or persons still holding painfully the pieces of a broken heart. May the goodwill component of the season suffuse every heart desperately needing comfort and consolation from relational heartaches experienced over the course of the outgoing year.