58 Ways to systematically grieve the passing of 58 year old’s Dapo Ojora and Sam Nda- Isaiah

  1. Light two candles
  2. Set a timer
  3. Think about either of them for two minutes each
  4. Think about their children for two minutes
  5. Think about their spouses for two minutes
  6. Think about their parents for two minutes
  7. Think about their siblings for two minutes
  8. Think about their loves for two minutes
  9. Think about them again for another two minutes
  10. Prepare for ‘surprises’
  11. Thank God for their lives and everyone they impacted positively
  12. Sing a song or two
  13. Get a pen and a notebook
  14. Consider what you are going to write
  15. List 58 memorable moments with/about the gentlemen
  16. Allow the mind to dwell for a few seconds on each one
  17. Look again at any of their photos you have seen
  18. Pay close attention to their eyes
  19. Feel the emotions welling up
  20. Let them express themselves
  21. Permit yourself to be angry sometimes
  22. Permit yourself to feel guilty too
  23. Permit yourself to feel shocked and sad
  24. Permit yourself to feel frightened, afraid and depressed
  25. Permit yourself some denial that the loss is not true
  26. Permit yourself the feeling of being crushed and shattered
  27. Prepare to grieve for longer alone because of covid-19 restrictions
  28. Tell yourself it’s time you let go things you cannot control
  29. Now write your tribute
  30. Read it to yourself and think of those you want to share it with
  31. Consider creative and covid-10 permitting, ways by which you may connect emotionally with others who are also grieving
  32. Let them talk when they are ready
  33. Let them be silent if they prefer it so for now
  34. Prepare to hear the question ‘why’ many times and don’t worry when you cannot give convincing answers
  35. Shun the temptation to ‘explain’ what happened
  36. Practice listening
  37. Practice silence
  38. Practice patience
  39. It’s Christmas season, consider how Christmas might be for their children
  40. If you have access to any of the children, be there
  41. Have the conversation
  42. Do not be patronizing
  43. Do not be obtrusive
  44. Shun the temptation to control ‘the conversation.’
  45. Pay more attention to the children
  46. Help them understand what happened
  47. Reassure them
  48. Help them remember their special moments with their dads, not forgetting to use his name as you do
  49. Assist them to prepare a ‘Dad’s book of memories.’
  50. Let them know you will be praying for them
  51. Let them know your family will be praying for them
  52. Place reminders in prayer closet to help you remember to pray
  53. Keep your promises
  54. Pray for them often
  55. Get your children and other members of the family to pray for them too
  56. Get your children to consider other practical ways to help the children grieve
  57. Pray and ask for God’s involvement and guidance in whatever support you plan to render
  58. Repeat the above steps as often as you can
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