Unveiling The True Friends of Nigeria (apologies Pastor Tunde Bakare)

Trust my neighbour. He came over to my place after watching a live transmission by Pastor Tunde Bakare, in which the former Vice-Presidential candidate unveiled the true enemies of Nigeria! He told me he wasn’t interested in the enemies of Nigeria. Pastor Bakare did not mention any names. Besides, he says he’s been preoccupied with his own investigation into the true friends of Nigeria. He said he’s been looking for how to publicise his discovery of the true friends of Nigeria but he did not have the resources to put up an elaborate show.

So who are the true friends of Nigeria? I asked him. He said he wasn’t going to give me any names but would simply share with me the highlights of his findings. The principal characteristics and distinguishing marks of the true friends of Nigeria are as follows:

  • They don’t belong to an exclusive union. They are in every state of the Republic
  • They are not completely innocent of the common maladies that assail Nigeria
  • They haven’t always been united in their vision for Nigeria
  • They haven’t always been consistent in what actions are in her best interest
  • There has hardly ever been a strong connect and mutual faith between self-elected friends of Nigeria and elected officials

How might these true friends of Nigeria become more effective, I asked him?

Bring Nigeria closer, he said. She is too far away. Pushed away into the distance by the following:

  • Ego (which he calls I-go)
  • Instant Gratification (which he calls I-gee)
  • Greed (which he calls Griid)
  • Nepotism (which he calls (Neptii)

What particular friends of Nigeria should lead the way in bringing her closer, I asked further?

Elected officials and those individuals whose children have graduated from universities and polytechnics… But I interrupted him. I don’t know why. My mind went back to the names he has created for those factors that have pushed Nigeria away from the centre of our collective consideration on a constant basis. Why those special names? He answered with his own question: ‘What is the commonest occurring alphabet in the four names, he asked me? I, I answered. Nigeria is far away because of I, me, myself!

The special names have been created because he is looking at a reality television show where the enemies of Nigeria will be paired against the friends of Nigeria. How did he intend to pull that off? I shut down my expectation as soon as I remembered what he said earlier about limited resources.

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