- Light two candles
- Set a timer
- Think about either of them for two minutes each
- Think about their children for two minutes
- Think about their spouses for two minutes
- Think about their parents for two minutes
- Think about their siblings for two minutes
- Think about their loves for two minutes
- Think about them again for another two minutes
- Prepare for ‘surprises’
- Thank God for their lives and everyone they impacted positively
- Sing a song or two
- Get a pen and a notebook
- Consider what you are going to write
- List 58 memorable moments with/about the gentlemen
- Allow the mind to dwell for a few seconds on each one
- Look again at any of their photos you have seen
- Pay close attention to their eyes
- Feel the emotions welling up
- Let them express themselves
- Permit yourself to be angry sometimes
- Permit yourself to feel guilty too
- Permit yourself to feel shocked and sad
- Permit yourself to feel frightened, afraid and depressed
- Permit yourself some denial that the loss is not true
- Permit yourself the feeling of being crushed and shattered
- Prepare to grieve for longer alone because of covid-19 restrictions
- Tell yourself it’s time you let go things you cannot control
- Now write your tribute
- Read it to yourself and think of those you want to share it with
- Consider creative and covid-10 permitting, ways by which you may connect emotionally with others who are also grieving
- Let them talk when they are ready
- Let them be silent if they prefer it so for now
- Prepare to hear the question ‘why’ many times and don’t worry when you cannot give convincing answers
- Shun the temptation to ‘explain’ what happened
- Practice listening
- Practice silence
- Practice patience
- It’s Christmas season, consider how Christmas might be for their children
- If you have access to any of the children, be there
- Have the conversation
- Do not be patronizing
- Do not be obtrusive
- Shun the temptation to control ‘the conversation.’
- Pay more attention to the children
- Help them understand what happened
- Reassure them
- Help them remember their special moments with their dads, not forgetting to use his name as you do
- Assist them to prepare a ‘Dad’s book of memories.’
- Let them know you will be praying for them
- Let them know your family will be praying for them
- Place reminders in prayer closet to help you remember to pray
- Keep your promises
- Pray for them often
- Get your children and other members of the family to pray for them too
- Get your children to consider other practical ways to help the children grieve
- Pray and ask for God’s involvement and guidance in whatever support you plan to render
- Repeat the above steps as often as you can
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